“You are a dreamer, and that is your misfortune.”
~Hans Christian Andersen
In an unexpected way I have stumbled onto a land that feels very much like it could be home. Somehow my fragile fairy wings have carried me here, but of course as all fairy stories go, I have been met with some disenchantment and great obstacles. Happily ever after, it seems, comes at a price.
I’m not sure which label to categorize it under: INFP? Highly Sensitive Person? Dreamer? Naïve? Perhaps just straight up dysfunctional??? But I want to stay here; something feels just right to me, as if finally getting a taste from the most perfect bowl of porridge imaginable. In my search for home I’ve lived in and have traveled to many places. I’m easily overwhelmed by the everyday to-do of life, and this makes it very hard to properly “adult” (according to society standards of independence). I’m not the kind of woman who finds inner strength and pride in taking on life’s burdens on her own. It’s the very thing my INFP self dreads! So what makes me think it’s a good idea to try the everyday to-do of life in a foreign land, learn a new language in which I have absolutely no grasp on whatsoever, and to attempt this feat alone? I don’t know… but I feel compelled. And did I mention the dismal number in my bank account? No? I will spare you the details, then.
It’s not that it hasn’t been done before; tourist turned resident. But it will be a difficult thing to achieve under my circumstances. The other day I knocked on a door that opened onto a friendly path. I’m going to wander down the pathway to see where it may lead, as there seems to be a golden light at the end of it. I can see a little window that perhaps holds an opportunity which will lead to another. I can’t help but to think of tiny Thumbelina when she shows up cold and hungry at the door of the field mouse. She finds temporary shelter there; a place to gain strength and find her bearings before the next obstacle arrives. Maybe my story will unfold in a similar fashion, knocking on one door at a time, meeting kind (well-intentioned) strangers, and hopefully not too many unkind ones along the way, and it will go on until I gently land in my own flower garden.
One day and one connection at a time.
Thumbelina illustration by Elisabeth Zwerger